Nikki Hoskin

MOVING TO WORDPRESS

2011-10-20T15:58:00.000-07:00

Per some good information I received asking which blog site is better, Blogger or WordPress, I learned that WordPress is better. Not only in bells and whistles it offers serious bloggers, but also in the fact that when you blog on Blogger, you do not own your content. Blogger does. I was also informed that Blogger can shut down my site without warning and there's a possibility I could never get it back, which all my hard work will be gone.

I work really hard on my blogs and am very proud of them. So, without further ado, I will be moving all my blogs over to WordPress, starting tonight. I will be starting with this one, then The Opinionated TV and so forth.

So please bear with me, as I make this transition, or as I like to call it, migration, to a possibly much better place.

Teacher Mocks Special Needs Students on Facebook

2011-10-16T14:28:00.000-07:00

Read or watch the follow story Special Ed Teacher Mocks His Students on Facebook, then read my thoughts.

My question is, why did it take so long for this fool to be caught with regards to his posts. If they found a long list of posts by him on FB, how long has this been going on? Was anyone from the school district noticing this on his page? Of course they were, but why wasn't anything being done?

I am currently dealing with an authority figure using the R word to describe a stupid person or a stupid situation. I tried to let it pass, until one day this person said, "We are being mildly retarted." It was at this point that I know exactly that this person was well aware of what the word "retarded" means and it should have been obvious to this person, a long time ago, that perhaps using this word is not right. But the funny thing is, she doesn't like any word that sounds like the N word. The word doesn't even have to be a reference to the N word, it just has to sound like the N word.

I don't like hearing the R word to describe anything, because as far as I'm concerned, the "mentally challenged" are smarter than those that are not.

There's so much we can learn from them, such as patience and not taking everything so seriously. We can learn not to get bent out of shape about things that won't mean a hill of beans in a week's time. Or even, in an hour's time.

I am not casting the first stone, nor living in a glass house, for I am guilty of using the word plenty of times in my youth and partially in my adulthood. I never gave much thought to the word itself, meaning, I never thought of it offending a group of people. But I get mad when I hear the N word used to describe something as in doing a quick fix - "n**ger rig it". As far as I'm concerned, when I quick fix something, I MacGyver it.

Since I have educated myself about the R word, I am on a mission to correct/education people on the word as well. I just have to figure out a way to approach this one person on the usage and how offensive it is. Not to just me, but to a group of people.

Spread The Word to End The Word

Grammar, Gramma, Kelsey Grammer

2011-10-09T12:05:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have been told of my grammar. I realize I do not have the best grammar in the world, but I feel I have a good writing style. I basically write like I talk. If I'm telling a story, I will write it as if I am standing in front of you telling it. I'm mostly referring to my soap recaps.

I recently submitted an article to Technorati and received feedback about my grammar. I didn't like the way it was presented to me, because I believe in constructive criticism. However, the point was well made. I received more criticism this morning, via e-mail, from another blog I guest for. But this one was more constructive and made very valid points I have heard before. I do make a lot of common grammatical mistakes - if only I knew what they were, I would be able to fix them.

I recently purchased the 2011 edition of Element of Style by William Strunk, that I must begin reading. I am also thinking of taking an English course at the local college. THINKING about it.

There's an excellent grammar site called Daily Grammar. A former boss turned me on to this site and once I got started I couldn't stop, but apparently I did. I think everyone should check this site out as I will be revisiting the site. But this time I will not stop until I have completed all the courses.

In the next few weeks I am going to buckle down and study two things, English and Computers. I want to be a better writer, than I already am, and I want to get back into tech support.

The Last One Got Away

2011-10-03T11:05:00.000-07:00

I am going to make this one short because a whole lot of explaining is not needed.

My dream was to make it as a musician. Not to be famous or rich, but to get paid to make music. Well that dream is gone - way gone and it makes me a bit bitter at times, I have to admit. I didn't have a good support system. I was too controlled and too beaten down by basically being told I couldn't make a living with music.

My new dream, and one I will reach is to be a paid blogger or a freelance writer. I will not let this one get away and do whatever I need to to make this dream come true.

I'm tired of accepting things the way they are. I've done it too long. I'm 45, to be 46 in a couple weeks. Life is moving at a comets pace and time is slipping by. I have a strong support system from my partner and my friends (Facebook, Twitter and in real life).

I know where I want to go, I just need a road map and a few people to point me in the right direction. My gratitude will not fall by the waist-side either.

I just to had to put this out to the universe and now I will await a return message.

My main area of interest is TV and/or movie reviews as well as writing blogs/articles of events I attend.

The Full Tilt Ponzi Scheme

2011-09-20T21:34:00.000-07:00

I have been playing poker for a number of years - mostly for free and when I played for free I played like really money was riding on the line. I always played on Full Tilt, but because they didn't accept credit card payments from US players, I never had money on the site. I just played with Play Money. It wasn't until I learned of sending money via Western Union that I decided to put money on the account and play for some real chips - or so I thought.

Full Tilt always had the reputation of being the only legitimate poker sites around. (You can read the history of Full Tilt here: History of Full Tilt).

Before joining Full Tilt, I did extensive research and Full Tilt was always in the top 10, so I finally gave in and did my first Western Union transaction with them and boy was I excited. I played ring games at first, no limit. After losing, I decided to play limit games. Although a slow climb up, I was doing OK. My next move was to get involved in SNG (Sit n Go's) and from there get involved in real tournaments. Some that allowed you to advance to a bigger one or one that paid out to the top, let's say, 20 players out of, again let's say 500. I did good in both areas, so I figured my best bet is to play in SNG's or tournaments. The few months I played I thoroughly enjoyed myself. So much so, that I finally hit the live tables in Vegas and in a city near me. Which reminds, I need to get involved in their Sunday Tournaments.It had been knowledge among us poker players that there was a chance that we would end up in a Blackout, meaning all the poker sites (Full Tilt, Poker Stars and Absolute Poker) would be shut down. The Blackout, from my knowledge was suppose to last only 15 months. Knowing about the strong possible Blackout to take place I decided to play like nobody's business (basically get rid of my chips, because that's all it is now, chips) and of course I was winning. Not big, but winning just the same.One day I tried to get on Full Tilt and was unable to do so. I tried from a different computer and a different laptop. I tried three times and even had a friend try and and finally she received the message that Full Tilt was currently down and explained why. I should add that before the Blackout started I tried to get my money off the account but the only way it would allow you to do that is to give them your bank account information. Well that wasn't about to happen. There was another way, but it was some long draw out thing, that by the time I received my money, I would have forgotten where it came from that's the reason I decided to play like there was no tomorrow - and guess what, there wasn't.

Several months had passed and a few times I have received emails from Full Tilt claiming they were working to get our money to us and for us to hang tight. A few months after that I received another email stating the same thing. I was going to write them after a couple of weeks asking for further information, but figured they would just refer me to their email, so I didn't bother. I thought I would wait it out.

Today I decided to look up the latest on Full Tilt and the payback of funds to its players and came cross this article talking about how Full Tilt was never a legitimate gambling site, but rather, a Ponzi Scheme: Online Poker Site Running Ponzi Scheme

From what I have red, Phil Ivey is now suing, or has sued the sponsors (Full Tilt) for $150 million (which he can share with the rest of us) and refuses to play in this year's WSOP (World Series of Poker). I am not sure what the outcome was of the suit or if he played. I basically stopped following anything poker related since the Blackout, which I shouldn't have done, but I'm slowly getting back into the game.

I don't think I will ever see my funds again, which I am fine with. But next time I lay some money down for chips, I will know my money is in on someone's cash drawer instead of in cyberspace and then the lining of someone's pocket.

The Snark Who Blogged Back - Blocking the Writer

2011-09-18T19:43:00.000-07:00

As a writer, there's nothing worse than having writer's block, but perhaps having writer's block for a week or longer. I know there are writers that go months without being able to produce anything. I went through writer's block for about a week and I found myself thinking more about having writer's block than doing something about it. Basically, because I wanted the writer's block to just leave. I wanted it to disappear as soon as I plopped myself in front of a desktop or laptop, but it didn't. Instead, it really came on full force and basically laughed in my face because it thought it had me beat. And it did - for a bit. It wasn't until I started reading a post by a friend and fellow blogger. The contents of that particular post isn't important for this writing, but it should be read by many

The Snark Who Hunts Back - http://thesnarkwhohuntsback.wordpress.com/

Upon receiving a blog post of hers in my e-mail I began reading. I didn't read the entire post, but enough to realize why I was having major writer's block - because I'm not reading enough. You can't write unless you read. So, with that said, I say this. My blog friend wrote a great piece about that subject and I wanted to share it here for everyone.

http://thesnarkwhohuntsback.wordpress.com/2011/09/17/720/ - blog about writer's block and how to cure it.Actually, this post gave me a great idea. I think I am going to begin linking the posts that affect me and write why they affected me.

Until then:Go read The Pretty Little Liars series

I'm Pretty Flawless Not To Mention...

2011-09-14T19:46:00.000-07:00

Unbelievably Wicked.

Last month (August 2011) I began reading Pretty Little Liars written by Sara Shephard. I am not sure as to how I came about that book, rather the series, but I did and I am absolutely enjoying it. Pretty Little Liars (book 1) was one book I couldn't put down, next to Catcher In The Rye and The Help. I think I read that book in two weeks time. I am not saying that that book is a hard read. It's not by a long shot. But it is so well written that it transports the reader to the time and scene being written about.

Set in a rich area of Rosewood, Pennsylvania, it follows a group of girls that were best friends in seventh grade through high school at Rosewood Day (private school): Alison, Aria, Spencer, Hanna and Emily. After a tragic accident and then the disappearance of Alison (during seventh grade year), things change drastically for the remaining three girls. But not only does tragedy and the disappearance of Alison change them, time changes them. High school becomes a different environment with new people entering their lives and old one leaving. As together as people seem on the outside, their world is anything but perfect.

I never attended a private school or lived in a ritzy area growing but I can still relate to the characters in the book because, as humans, we all go through some crazy stuff in our adolescent and young adult years. This is what I enjoy about reading young adult books. Unless you skipped adolescent and young adult, anyone can relate to these books.

I have begun reading Flawless and as with Pretty Little Liars I can't put it down (thought at times I have to). I read it on my breaks and lunches at work and its the last thing I read before shutting off the light for sleep time. Unlike Pretty, Flawless is becoming a slow read because I am also reading other books to help me with blogging better as well trying to attend to my blogs (either writer or modifying them).

I know ABC Family made a TV show of the books and on Twitter there were people watching the show and posting at the same time. I had to turn Twitter off because they were spoiling it for me.

I am not sure if I will watch the TV show because it might ruin it for me as in the people weren't cast correctly or things were changed from the book - as is done with all TV series and movies. But curiosity always gets the best of me and once I am finished with the series, I will look at the TV show and give my take, as any good blogger should do.

Until next time:

"Two can only keep a secret if one of them is dead." Alison from Pretty Little Liars

How To Make Millions of Dollars After a Prison

2011-09-04T20:18:00.000-07:00

I read a blog today regarding Michael Vick signing a 100 million dollar contract with the Philadelphia Eagles and how people are outraged over this. Well they were outraged when he got out of the hoosegow and went right into playing football like nothing happened. But it seems people are more outraged by the amount of money he is getting right now. I am one of those people.Here is the link to the article: http://montyobv.blogspot.com/2011/09/suck-my-vick.html

I am not going to comment on the other people mentioned in the blog, just on my thoughts on Vick.

I was a Vick fan when he played for the Falcons. Not a huge fan, but a fan. Then the story broke about him being involved in dog fighting and in the brutal torture and murders of dogs that lost fights. He was given 18 months in the hoosegow. Yeah only 18 months. That's how much a animals life is worth. I am not saying that an animal's life is worth more than a human's but I feel the crime is the same whether it was done to a human or an animal. That's where my frustration comes in. But I digress.

After Vick's release he was given a job of quarterbacking for the Eagles. As a friend said it best:

There is really nothing anyone can say that can change my view of this convicted animal abuser. Yes he served his time...yes everyone deserves a second chance. But no one comes out of prison with the opportunity to make that amount of money. The NFL claims to be a business...then they should act like a business and do back ground checks before you hire..because in the real world making a decent living..convicted criminals struggle to get decent jobs because of bad choices they made. The NFL should be no different!

I remember watching a show in which this guy was released from prison and was trying to get a job and no one would hire him because he had a prison record. He couldn't even get a job as a dishwasher and his crime was nothing close to Vick's.

I do believe strongly in giving everyone a second chance, but paying someone millions of dollars is not a second chance, that's a reward. I feel that Vick should have never been allowed back into the NFL so quickly. I feel he should have worked his way up like all convicts have to do to.

I admit that this infuriates me because I am an animal lover and animals do depend on us and that wasn't more apparent to me than in 2009 when my cat Facers, was diagnosed with a kidney disease and she was subjected to daily IV's and constant monitoring. But more importantly, she needed someone to tell her everything was going to be OK and she was loved and such. And that person was me. I happened to not be working that year, so it worked out great that I could be there for her. As of today she is doing great and very healthy. So while I am nursing my cat back to health, Vick is killing his dogs because they lost a fight and didn't make money for him. It's all about the benjamins with that bozo.

I don't think he feels one ounce of remorse for what he has done and how can he when he is being told that hey, we know you are the scum of the earth, but we want to pay you millions of dollars anyways.

It seems the NFL welcomes criminals. So if you want to make millions of dollars, join the NFL, commit a crime and you too can make up 100 million dollars.

I might have done more ranting than making a point, but this is just something I had to get out of my chest. If you comment, please be gentle.

True Life: I Want To Be Straight

2011-08-28T13:18:00.000-07:00

MTV has a show called True Life in which they follow teen/young adults around that are dealing with some type of issue as in being addicted to drugs, or being an outcast in their school, etc.. On one particular episode, they followed two people, a male and a female, both of whom lived a gay lifestyle but now they want to be straight. The female is doing it because of her mother. When her mother found out she was gay (her mother caught her with another woman) her mother stabbed her - literally. The male in the show is doing it for religious, as well as family reasons. I watched about 14 minutes of this show before turning it off. I still have it on my DVR but I am about to sock these two people because of what they are doing which is telling the world, the ignorant part of the world., that being gay is a choice, which it isn't. Oh and I better ad, that the guy in the show is even seeing a therapist to rid himself of his homosexuality. Yeah- that should be enough to piss anyone off.

My mother thinks being gay is a choice and it's not. Why would I, or anyone, make the choice to be gay and put ourselves at risk of the ignorant asses out there? We wouldn't. But we aren't going to conform to what others think we should be. My mother still hasn't accepted who I am and who I am with and that's fine with me. I talk to my mother every blue moon, but when she starts bringing up my sexuality and treats it like it's a choice I made and such, I have shut her down and be clear of her for a few years. But I'm digressing from the point of this blog.

There are people, like my mother, a lot of people, who feel that being gay (I decided to lump us all in one category) is a choice. There are choices we make because it is something we like. I choose chocolate ice cream over vanilla because I like it. I choose football over basketball because I like it. I choose blue over yellow because I like it. All these things make me feel good. Being gay is not a choice- it is what I am. I did not choose my brown eyes. I did not choose to be deaf in one ear. I did not choose to be dyslexic to a point (I transpose numbers but can remember numbers like nobody's business). I choose none of this. But I learned to live with it. But being gay is something I have learned to accept of myself (took a lot of years) and for these two people to try to change who they are for someone else, I don't care who it is, just disgust me. Yes, I may be writing out turn for I have not finished the show and for all I know, they may remain who they are. I will do follow up to this blog once I have finished the show.

Society today seems to be more accepting of homosexuality. They may not agree with it, but it seems they are a bit more supportive of us. I would do anything for my mother but conform to her view point of how things should be. I will not conform to any one's view point on how things should be. I do not flaunt my sexuality at all for it's how I choose to live my life. Pretty much anyone that myers to know know I am gay without me telling them. No I am not butch nor am manly I. Anyway. Some people have gaydar - I know I do. But anyways.

This has probably been a lot of rambling and somewhere in the middle of this rambling there is a point and the point will continue once I have finished the show with the end results of the two people.

Before CBS 5 I Was Star Struck. But Now...

2011-08-28T13:15:00.000-07:00

Before I began working at CBS 5 in San Francisco between 2004 and 2005 I would get star struck easily. I didn't care who the person was, if I heard they were around I had to get a look and that would be it. No bragging, no nothing. Just had to see. But since working at CBS 5 and meeting a number of actors/actresses/musicians and such I am no longer star struck.

I met one who was the nicest person you'd ever want to meet and very down the earth and met another who had a very nasty personality without opening their mouth. I will not mention their names for I am not Perez Hilton. I want to make a name for myself while putting others down by name. But digress.

My view of people in the entertainment industry has changed quite a bit. I no longer like someone just because of what they do. I like them for who they are. My view changed because of my encounters. Not because of the bad one, but more so, because of the good ones. I have learned, and as cliche it may seem, we are all the same, just some of us are more known than others. I am still in the other category. I listen to stories about them from others or read articles about them (not in celebrity magazines) but in magazines about things they are interested in. I also do a lot of reading on IMDB via the trivia page and the message boards and try to learn something interesting about them that is not related to what they do. From all my readings I make up my own mind.

Twitter is a haven for celebrity followers. I was never one of them because I would have to like the person for who they are and not what they, as mentioned as before.

I also don't get excited about who is coming to town - unless it is Santa Clause coming to town and he better have my Mac Book Pro laptop with him or else.

But then there are people I like because of what they do and the list is long. What this means is that I would never want to meet them. The only person I like for what he does and who he is is Roger Waters and that is one person I would love to meet someday.

I have three or four people from the soap opera world I am following on Twitter and two have responded to me when I responded to their tweet. And my responses have nothing to do with their characters on the show or the entertainment world. I am sure that's the last thing they want to talk about.

I have learned that if you treat an actor/actress like everyone else and talk about things non-related to their job they are more responsive towards you for they feel you are there for them and not for what they do. In other, there's no ulterior motive.

The next time you are eager meet someone, don't approach them like a fan, although you may be the greatest fan, but approach them like they are one of us, which they are.

Always keep this quote in mind if your favorite person turns out to be a real a-hole:

"Whoever said fame makes you the person you are, must have had David Ruffin in mind"... From the movie The Temptations.

It's The Little Things

2011-08-27T12:24:00.000-07:00

There are little things in life that we enjoy. Some enjoy the times with their kids. I don't have kids so you can count me out of the circle. People enjoy spending time with their significant others. I have one of those so I can be included in that circle. But the one thing I enjoy more is being at my favorite place with the one I love. And tonight that place is The Pyramid Brewery located in Berkeley, CA near Fourth Street.

Picture credit: http://www.pyramidbrew.com/alehouses/berkeley

Tonight (27 August 2011) I had the Brewery Burger, medium well with onion rings instead of fries with one of their house beers, the Hefeweizen. We asked to be seated near a TV so we could watch the Giants play the Astros, but we are also able to watch the football game (Niners vs. Houston). After finishing our burgers my partner had the Cherry Berry Cobbler with vanilla ice cream.Right now we are just relaxing and enjoying ourselves.My shorts description of Pyramid Brewery is it is warm and inviting.

What is your favorite place to go and why?

My Favorite INANIMATE Object

2011-07-14T23:14:00.000-07:00

I would have to say the pen is my favorite inanimate object because from that pen I can become anyone I want and be anywhere I want to be. With the pen I can be the richest person earth, or make myself pauper. I can have millions of fans or be a hermit. The pen will either make me larger than life or be the death of me.

Judy Blume - One Size Fits All

2011-07-09T17:25:00.001-07:00

Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume

I don't care what age you are - as long as you are past junior high age, any of Judy Blumes books are for you. I'm in my 40's and I still read her books because at some point in my life I was a girl in junior high trying to make it through thinking those were the tough times. Little did I know that those were the best and simplest times of our lives. How I wish I could go back sometimes.

View all my reviews

The Kitchen House, part II

2011-07-09T17:03:00.000-07:00

The Kitchen House by Kathleen Grissom

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

The first book that affected me was Catcher in the Rye, the second was The Help and now The Kitchen House.

Set during slavery, it centers around a 6 year old indentured servent who is brought to a plantation and takes up residence with the slaves who work at the big house. The book follows the girl, the slaves and the plantation owners and their family and friends for almost 20 years.

Its story is told between Levinia (indentured servent) and Belle (a house slave). Things that take place are seen through both their eyes from different views.

You will grow to love all the characters, even the Cap't (the plantation owner).

If you loved The Help, you will definitely love this book and not want to put it down. Once you have completed the book, you will want to read it again.

I had the pleasure of interviewing the author and from that we are developing a friendship. She's a wonderful person and fascinating one at that.

View all my reviews

The Jury Room - Facts Over Feelings

2011-07-05T19:33:00.000-07:00

I don't claim to be an expert in the matter of juryism (yeah, I made up a word), but I have to give my two cents to the recent events that took place regarding the verdict in the Casey Anthony case. And, mind you, I am not trying to sway people at all. This is just a bit of an insight and my opinion.

As mentioned in my previous blog (scroll down to read), I served as a juror. Although a minor case (meaning not high profiled), the job of a juror is still the same. We must look at the facts and ONLY the facts.

The Case:
The charges against the guy was Assault Against a Peace Officer with a Deadly Weapon.
It happened in Baypoint (aka Gunpoint) where a Peace Office
recognized the defendant and wanted to question him. The defendant
became hostile, ran from the cop and ended up in a field where the
office drew his gun on the defendant while the defendant was holding a
large rock in his hand. The defendant then flung the rock at the cop
hitting the cop in the arm (where the gun was).

The Court - Day One:
We listened to the Defense's opening statement

The Prosecutor's opening statement

Then we heard from the Officer who was assaulted and witnesses.

Day Two:
More testimonies and then closing arguments. Once all that was done the judge, just as the judge did in the Anthony case, gave us our instructions along with the packets needed for us to do our work.

Jury Room:
The packet basically breaks down each item.
Assault
Peace Officer
Deadly
Weapon

From the list and its definition we had to determine if he did assault the Peace Officer. After we made our determination we moved to Peace Officer and those definitions. Made our decisions there. Next was deadly weapon (referring to the rock - a big one at that) that the Peace Office was hit with. We first had to determine if the rock was a deadly weapon. 11 of us said no. One said yes. OK. Now, us 11 had to explain to the 1 juror that it WASN'T a deadly weapon because before it became such, it was a rock and ONLY a rock.

There were two questions we had to ask the judge (actually, I had to ask since I was Foreperson). I think one had to do with a penal code, but I forget what the other one was.

One of our decisions, should we have found Mr. Garcia guilty, is to determine which Penal Code was he guilty of.

We did find him guilty of Assault Against a Peace Officer With a Deadly Weapon, but it wasn't an easy decision to come to. We had to go by evidence - hardcore evidence.

Before going into the jury room I was convinced Mr. Garcia was as guilty as they come. But when I entered the jury room and looked at the break down of everything, I wasn't so sure. I don't think any of us was sure and it made for great discussions.

I highly recommend everyone watch the movie 12 Angry Men with Henry Fonda. I watched that movie after serving juror duty and I had much more appreciation for the job. But watch it to get a sense of what a jury has to go through and the decisions they have to make.

We can all agree the sky is blue, but when its broken down into tiny pieces and we have to put those tiny pieces together, we all will not agree the sky is blue.

Regarding the Casey Anthony case:
Some sat and watched the trial since day one and hoped for a guilty verdict. Some caught the end of it, me, and hoped for a guilty verdict and felt she was guilty. I began thinking and feeling like the majority of the population and had no doubt she would be found guilty. But when I got the phone call from a friend of mine telling me they found her not guilty, I was shocked. I stayed shocked for about an hour, until I remembered the job of a juror and I have to say that they did their job.

They could have easily gone in there and found her guilty and called it Bob Hope. But they were in there for approximately10 hours. The paperwork they had to go through and the stuff they had to read and agree upon - I can't imagine.

Their decision was not made from the heart - it was made from the law. If it was from the heart they would have been in and right back out - but they were in there for 10 hours.

Having Casey go to prison won't bring Caylee back (cliche, I know). People think that Caylee didn't get justice, but she did. She has thousands and thousands of people she's never met, care about her and wishing they could have taken her into their home (me included) so she didn't have to be subject to what her mother did. Caylee has the hearts of a lot of people, which is more than Casey can say. Casey now has the strong dislike of thousands and thousands of people.

I could easily rant and rave about the decision and what a horrible person Casey is, but what good is it going to do. I will be mad about the verdict - for I am human - but I will respect the verdict - as a former juror.

Again, I am not trying to sway people's decision or showing in favor of Casey in any way. Just trying to give others a better understanding of the jury process.

I look forward to comments and/or questions.

Jury Duty

2011-07-04T08:54:00.001-07:00

Back in April 2007 I was on a jury for a case that involved a man being charged with Assault On a Peace Officer with a Deadly Object. I think I was the only one in the jury room (where you sit and wait to be picked) that wanted to serve on a jury. And if I got picked I wanted to be foreman. I was able to do both.

Those who haven't served think that coming up with a verdict is easy. And it's not.

I'm watching the judge give the jury their finally instructions in the Casey M. Anthony trial and what he's saying to the jury is what we were told in our trial. I am speaking of the break down of the charges. Then when you get to the jury room you're looking at the break down again, but now on paper. It can be overwhelming because of the details that are there.

Being foreman put more pressure on the person because you are now looked upon to run the show and to basically referee disputes that break out between jurors. I only had a minor one and it was civil. But I also had to explain things to the jurors. I also had to make sure all the paperwork was signed and dated correctly. It was also my responsibility to ask the judge questions via writing when we confused about something.

I am not sure how long we were back in the jury room, but it does seem like you're back there a long time because you have to convince all 12 people to agree with each other and the way the charges are broken down, people can agree that there was a weapon present, but may not agree that it was used intentionally. I remember one lady saw the object as deadly but that wasn't what the question asked. I don't remember the exact working of the document but it basically asked if the object was deadly. We all said no because it was an object. It only became deadly when it was used. But the lady said the object was deadly because IT WAS USED in the crime. That's where a lot of our time was spent and it made good arguments.

We ended up finding the guy guilty of assault on a peace officer with a deadly weapon. We weren't there for the sentencing. No big deal to me.

I would love to serve on a jury again and serve as foreman. I almost got on a five week case in which a father was accused of killing his son. But as it turned out they had the jury picked. We were basically an alternate jury to be picked.

The Dark Joker

2011-06-26T17:44:00.000-07:00

As a self-proclaimed movie buff and lover of villains (the more evil the more I love them), I find Heath Ledger's Joker to top them all. You knew it was Heath behind the make up but you also forgot it was Heath. His facial expressions, his nervous, yet acquired habit with his tongue and his voice had you mesmerized at the talent that was and could have been, Heath Ledger.

I can't say enough about Heath's performance in The Dark Knight save for I had to see it twice, and I did. I saw it opening night, then on 21 July 2008 (5:35pm showing) and once more at IMAX.

But Heath's performance is not the only attraction to the movie. I enjoyed Batman Begins because of the darkness of the movie (Oh, I also love, love, love dark movies). And I was anxiously awaiting the next installment and it did not disappoint.

The ending of The Dark Knight left things open, especially the return of the Joker. So, my question is, who can or will top Heath Ledger's performance?

The man who left this earth with so many questions as to why he did what he did on that faithful day, has now left me with more questions as to what would have become of him since playing the Joker so exquisitely? Would he reprise his role in the next Batman installment? Would he continue to play villains in other movies? Or has this movie made him a legend before his time?

As the Joker said in the movie:

Introduce a little anarchy... Upset the established order... Well then everyone loses their minds!

Has his early departure done just that? We'll never know.

I do not believe his death made him a legend, but rather his role as The Joker.

See his work in action if you haven't already, go to You Tube and type in Heath Ledger - The Joker.

The Sweeney that is Todd

2011-06-26T17:36:00.000-07:00

I am not really a Tim Burton fan, although I do respect the dark aspects of his movies. When I completed watching Sweeney Todd and although a great idea on a classic, I am a bit turned off by the singing, and a lot of unnecessary singing at that.

Background of the story Sweeney Todd courtesy of Wikipedia:

In his past life, Todd was known as Benjamin Barker, a middle class barber, married to Lucy Barker with a daughter, Johanna. The villainous Judge Turpin exiles Benjamin to Australia on false charges in order to have Lucy to himself. Lucy poisons herself in grief, and in her hiatus, Turpin adopts baby Johanna as his ward. By the time Todd returns to London, Johanna has become a young woman and falls in love with a sailor, Anthony, who attempts to steal her away from Judge Turpin, who has proposed to marry the girl. In some versions of the Sweeney Todd story Mrs. Lovett, his partner in crime and variously his friend or lover (and whose first name is variously Nellie, Marjorie, Sarah, Shirley, or Claudette), hides his crimes by butchering the corpses of Todd's victims, baking their flesh into meat pies, and selling them to unknowing customers.

In the original story, A String of Pearls, Sweeney Todd is still the same working class barber. Instead of killing for revenge, however, he kills in pure greed. At the end, he is arrested and hanged, while Mrs. Lovett commits suicide in her cell.

In every version, Mrs. Lovett takes in an orphan boy, Tobias Ragg, after Sweeney kills Ragg's previous guardian, Adolfo Pirelli. Ragg is generally the first character to catch onto Sweeney's crimes and also is responsible for Todd's death.

In almost every variation, Johanna, Anthony, and Toby are the only characters who survive.

I am not sure why Burton felt the need to keep it a musical, which to me is, following suit of others. It would have been great if this movie was a straight up talkie.

Now, on to the good stuff.

As the story says, Benjamin Parker (Sweeney Todd), once a barber, was falsely accused and thus sent away. He comes back 15 years later to find the judge who put him away has married his wife and adopted his daughter. Sweeney is now bent on revenge. He re-opens a barber shop above Mrs. Lovett's pie shop, thus begins the relationship between Todd and Lovett. Also in the pictures is a boy named Toby who worked for a peddler of whatever he was peddling at that time. To learn more of how everyone came to be, rent the movie...I think any version would do, but if you want the dark version, then rent Burton's version.

The entire movie is dark (dark streets, dark clothes, dark scenes, dark everything) save for the part when Todd is telling Lovett of his past and when Lovett is imagining her and Todd's life together with Toby.

The movie centers around revenge and Todd's heart being full of malice. The lengths Todd goes through to exact his revenge causes others to fall prey to the wicked hands to which they were never a part of. Todd's first chance at revenge against the judge is missed by no fault of his own. Before his second chance appears, many, many men will die and become the meat in Mrs. Lovett's meat pie, which are the hit of Fleet Street. Once his revenge is complete against the judge, he soon finds that his malice has caused the death of someone that was close to his heart. This causes more anger for Todd who seeks revenge on another and thus the vicious circle just goes around and around and ends with revenge getting its revenge.

The Pen May Lie but The Sword Does Not!

2011-06-26T17:16:00.000-07:00

There seems to be an influx of false memories rolling down the river of late. The first known of this was Clifford Irving’s book The Autobiography of Howard Hughes. I am sure there was others before him, but he’s on of the famous one. Then there was James Frey and his A Million Little Pieces in which he even had Oprah fooled. Oprah brought James back on the show to talk about the lies and for her to do this just probably made the book even popular. I can’t say for sure, but as a collector, I like to keep books of this nature.

The James Frey hoax had a bit of a backlash in that readers demanded their money back. I didn’t. I have the original book before the disclaimer was introduced in the re-released copies. I also have the O J Simpson book, If I did It that was released by the money hungry Goldmans. But I digress.

Recently, there have been two memoirs that have been exposed for being lies. The first was a holocaust memoir titled Misha: A Memoir of the Holocaust Years by Misha Defonseca in which she states, as a Jewish child, she lived with a pack of wolves in the woods during the Holocaust. Well, my first clue that something wasn’t right is the “pack of wolves”. Unless your name is Tarzan or Lucan (for those of you from the 70′s and remember the Tv show), no one has ever been raised by a pack of wolves. The second memoir was by Margaret B. Jones (real name Margaret Seltzer) called Love and Consequence who claimed she was a foster child growing up in South Los Angels and survived by selling drugs the street gang The Bloods. Oh, did I mention that she claims she was abused as a child and that she’s half white and half Native American? You should look this one up because she’s a hum dinger. The author’s, or should I say, the liars true story is, she actually grew up with her biological family in the Sherman Oaks section of Los Angeles, in the San Fernando Valley.

I am not sure why these people feel the need to fabricate their stories.

I am currently editing my first novel, which so happens to be about the holocaust. The protagonist is in an unnamed concentration camp. My story, unlike the ones mentioned, is of fiction. It is what you would call a historical fiction novel. I am neither Jewish nor have a Jewish background. In addition, I do not know anyone who was in any of the camps. After I had completed by draft, I had the pleasure of meeting Gloria Lyons who did spend time in four camps. Her husband was able to escape the Holocaust by being sent to Budapest and then to America.

Of the two hoaxes to come about the one that irks me the most is the book about the Holocaust. The Holocaust is a subject near and dear to my heart. This is a subject that should not be played with nor doubted. When others come forth with their stories, are they going to be believed? Hard to say. These constant false memoirs are starting to turn into the boy who cried wolf.

V for Vendetta and Beyond

2011-06-26T17:04:00.000-07:00

circa: 2008

Remember, remember the fifth of November
The gunpowder treason and plot
I know of no reason, the gun powder treason
Should ever be forgot!

Synopsis: The date is November 5th, 1997. War has ravaged England, entire races have been eradicated, the entire British populace is under constant surveillance, and the absolute power is absolutely corrupt. On this historic day, a man with a strong resemblance to Guy Fawkes (in action and dress) blows up Parliament. The bomber, a masked character named V, saves a girl named Eve from a violent crime and takes her under his wing. Moore's dystopian, fascist version of England, ruled by one central leader and his sects (named after parts of the body, such as Finger, Nose, and Voice), is systematically dismantled by the enigmatic V. Readers must ultimately decide if V is a mad anarchist/terrorist or a freedom-fighting avenger for good. Amazon.com

Although the story in the graphic novel is set in 1997, the movie has it set in the future.

Now, on to V for Vendetta. Being the V freak that I am (I have the V insigna tattooed on my upper left arm as shown above in photo) you would think I would have ripped right into that book as soon as I bought, but I didn't. I looked at it, read a few pages and that was it. Why? Well, because graphic novels were not my thing....AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!! I got the book because I became a huge fan of V for Vendetta and still am a fan. After the graphic novel and regular novel, came the posters, mouse pad and plague made for me by a friend, a 12" resin statue and then the same thing but less expensive...much less...the second one I bought only cost $24.00 via eBay which is called an "action figure". Well, its still in the box and will remain there, so no action there. The first one cost $124.00. (Note to self - get 12" resin encased immediately). Also on eBay, I got a collectible lithograph. Through bn.com I got the book From Script to Film. I also have the licensed Halloween mask (never worn and never will be worn). I need to get the hat but will not pay $150 for an outfit unless it was worn by Hugo Weaving himself. There's another V for Vendetta book I will be getting soon titled V for Vendetta as Cultural Pastiche: A Critical Study of the Graphic Novel and Film. I have a few more items to collect and then I will in like sin.

"I, like God, do not play with dice and do not believe in coincidences."

Evolution of Dance

2011-06-26T16:54:00.000-07:00

V for Vendettas, Watchmen and Berlin

2011-06-26T16:50:00.000-07:00

I have begun to read graphic novels and it started with, none other than, V for Vendetta. It started with me buying it along with the novel (which was inspired by the film). Yes, you heard right. The novel was inspired by the film. Sidebar: V for Vendetta movie was inspired by the graphic novel by Alan Moore. After the movie came the novel.

Anyhow. I bought the regular novel and graphic novel right after seeing the movie...literally right after seeing the movie. My friend and I went to Barnes and Noble after leaving the theater and bought both books. I began reading the novel, but had the graphic novel close by. I soon put down the book and started on something else. Hmmm, I seem to be writing but not saying much, so I will get to the point of this composition.

I am not sure who it was, but someone told me I should read the graphic novel of V for Vendetta. I had also heard that the character of V is very different in the graphic novel than in the movie in that V wasn't so nice. So, that right there, got me interested. I did pick up the graphic novel and started reading, but ended up putting it down for something else. It had nothing to do with the graphic novel itself, it just had to do with how I was feeling at the time and at the time I was not in the mood at that time.

Then came the graphic novel Watchmen also by Alan Moore. Sidebar (yet again): Here's a bit of trivia. In the movie V for Vendetta when Evey comes from under the desk when V was on TV, there is a copy of Watchmen on the desk. I was informed about this graphic novel by a co-worker who recommended another one I will be speaking about in a minute. When I was recommended Watchmen I ordered it immediately from Barnes and Noble online Barnes and Noble. As soon I received it from my best friend UPS, I began reading it and could not stop. I thoroughly enjoyed the book and couldn't get enough of it. This book is definitely not for kids and you have to have an open mind to read it. You do not need to be a fan of graphic novels to enjoy this book, but you will be afterwards.

Synopsis: Watchmen is set in 1985, in an alternative history United States where costumed adventurers are real and the country is edging closer to a nuclear war with the Soviet Union (the Doomsday Clock is at five minutes to midnight). It tells the story of a group of past and present superheroes and the events surrounding the mysterious murder of one of their own. Watchmen depicts superheroes as real people who must confront ethical and personal issues, who struggle with neuroses and failings, and who - with one notable exception - lack anything recognizable as super powers.

The drawings and writing is nothing I have ever seen before in this particular graphic novel. Because of this book, my desire to read more graphic novels has been fueled.

Second recommendation by the same co-worker was Berlin: City in Stones by Jason Lutes.

Synopis: Berlin: City of Stones presents the first part of Jason Lutes' captivating trilogy, set in the twilight years of Germany's Weimar Republic. Kurt Severing, a journalist, and Marthe Muller, an art student, are the central figures in a broad cast of characters intertwined with the historical events unfolding around them. City of Stones covers eight months in Berlin, from September 1928 to May Day, 1929, meticulously documenting the hopes and struggles of its inhabitants as their future is darkened by a glowing shadow.

I highly recommend all the graphic novels I mentioned here. I recommend reading Watchmen first and then moving to V for Vendettas and this is coming from a V fan all the way around.

The Junky Escape The Burrough's Jessop

2011-06-26T16:28:00.000-07:00

I remember reading part of The Naked Luncha few years back...actually, a lot of years back and found it quite strange, and thus didn't finish it, but never discarded it and planned on reading it later down the line (I have the book on my shelf now). In 2009 (December to be exact) I heard from a friend of a friend about his other book (his, meaning William S. Burroughs) called Junky and thus picked it up and began reading it. It had me quite captivated for it took you on a journey of his drug induced days back East, but the book lost me towards the end.

Burroughs started talking about this little town about a page and a half which diverted greatly from the flow of the story that once he got back on track I lost interest. I guess it shows it doesn't take much for me to lose interest in a story.

I did finish Junky and realized how repetitive it was...he got started on junk, met cool people, met shady people, his friends ended up in the hoosegaw, he got off junk, got back on junk, met cool people, met shady people, HE ended up in the hoosegaw, etc., etc.. In the beginning the book intrigued me, but then it started getting repetitive and rather boring, but its like a bad movie, you want to see how it ends.

As a fanatic of books, I enjoy having another book to read right after the other and I finally found one to read called Escape by Carolyn Jessop with Laura Palmer (not to be confused with Twin Peaks's Laura Palmer - HA!) which tells the story of Carolyn being born into, living in and escaping from the FLDS (Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints), or most commonly known as Polygamy (plural marriage). I think outside of Anne Rule's Everything She Ever Wantedand Too Late To Say Goodbye I don't think I've read anything more profound. She speaks of her childhood with one mother and then ending up with two mothers. Her sister's escape at a young age and her desire to learn and get a good education, but in between were the beatings by her biological mother Nurylon. She ends up marrying Merril Jessop

Merril Jessop (born about 1935) is believed to be the de-facto leader of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (FLDS Church), after its former leader, Warren Jeffs, resigned when he was convicted as an accomplice to rape in 2007. Head of the YFZ Ranch, Jessop has been a lifelong member of the church.

While he was in imprisoned, Warren Jeffs reportedly designated William E. Jessop as the rightful successor to the FLDS Church presidency. However, William Jessop has remained at official church headquarters in Hildale, Utah. Recently, news reports have suggested a possible shift of the church's headquarters to Eldorado, Texas, where a temple has been built by FLDS Church at the YFZ Ranch members. As the bishop of the church at YFZ and spokesmen for the FLDS church, it appears that Merril Jessop is the de facto president and the most powerful person in the FLDS Church.

One of Jessop's former wives, Carolyn Jessop, wrote a memoir in 2007 about their 17 year marriage. Carolyn Jessop left the FLDS Church in 2003 and, after a custody battle with Merril Jessop, won full custody of their 8 children.

According to his former wife's memoir Jessop is the father of more than fifty biological children with at least five wives. His senior wife, Faunita, who suffered from mental illness and was the mother of at least 15 children, was literally abandoned by the roadside when the cult was moved to Texas and became a ward of one of her grandchildren living in the mainstream Mormon community. Jessop is believed to have taken many more wives since the departure of Carolyn. According to his ex-wife's book, Jessop has nebulous business interests that include construction and hotels and has suffered from major heart problems in recent years.Source Wikipedia

I learned of this book after watching Secret Lives of Women: War On Polygamy which focused on two women who escaped/left the "cult" (and I use the word very loosely as to not offend anyone) after years of endurance. I was absolutely mesmerized by what these women went through and what they witnessed, but more importantly the courage they gained to escape their environment.

Barnes and Noble best describes the book:

The dramatic first-person account of life inside an ultra-fundamentalist American religious sect, and one woman’s courageous flight to freedom with her eight children.

When she was eighteen years old, Carolyn Jessop was coerced into an arranged marriage with a total stranger: a man thirty-two years her senior. Merril Jessop already had three wives. But arranged plural marriages were an integral part of Carolyn’s heritage: She was born into and raised in the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (FLDS), the radical offshoot of the Mormon Church that had settled in small communities along the Arizona-Utah border. Over the next fifteen years, Carolyn had eight children and withstood her husband’s psychological abuse and the watchful eyes of his other wives who were locked in a constant battle for supremacy.

Carolyn’s every move was dictated by her husband’s whims. He decided where she lived and how her children would be treated. He controlled the money she earned as a school teacher. He chose when they had sex; Carolyn could only refuse—at her peril. For in the FLDS, a wife’s compliance with her husband determined how much status both she and her children held in the family. Carolyn was miserable for years and wanted out, but she knew that if she tried to leave and got caught, her children would be taken away from her. No woman in the country had ever escaped from the FLDS and managed to get her children out, too. But in 2003, Carolyn chose freedom over fear and fled her home with her eight children. She had $20 to her name.

Escape exposes a world tantamount to a prison camp, created byreligious fanatics who, in the name of God, deprive their followers the right to make choices, force women to be totally subservient to men, and brainwash children in church-run schools. Against this background, Carolyn Jessop’s flight takes on an extraordinary, inspiring power. Not only did she manage a daring escape from a brutal environment, she became the first woman ever granted full custody of her children in a contested suit involving the FLDS. And in 2006, her reports to the Utah attorney general on church abuses formed a crucial part of the case that led to the arrest of their notorious leader, Warren Jeffs.

I highly recommend this book to any and everyone but I ask that no one confuses the Mormon church beliefs with the FLDS's beliefs.

Wm. S. Burroughs Carolyn Jessop

Jr. Stone - Popper Extraordinaire

2011-06-26T14:29:00.000-07:00

Be A Better Friend? - I Choose to be a Horrible Warning Instead

2011-06-26T13:41:00.000-07:00

True friends are hard to come by now-a-days and I am not sure why. I'm learning the people I try to be friends with only want me around for self-validation. Meaning, they will tell their story or stories to me in hopes I will somehow validate what they are doing, which I won't if I don't agree with it. I will, instead, question their motives, moves, thoughts and such. I prefer to get people to think about what they are doing instead of finding away to agree with what they are doing. I'm what's called an honest person. Sometimes, I'm brutally honest.

Then there's those that like to friend hop. These are people that are "friends" with you when they feel you fill their needs and when you don't they are on to the next person. Sometimes, the next person is someone the first person just told you they disliked and don't want to have anything to do with. Friend Hoppers don't worry about people's feelings. They are only concerned with their own needs.

Then there's the manipulator which basically sums up the above two in one title. But the manipulator will reel the person in and then get them to do what they want and eventually, let that person go without notice. Just as the Self-Validator and Friend Hopper does.

Why people do these things is an question we can't answer, but only to say these people are the most insecure people. So much so they are blinded by their insecurity that they don't see it or won't admit it to themselves.

So, how to be a better friend? I don't know how to be a better friend because I thought I was doing the right thing. But the one thing I've learned is, you can't be a good friend to someone who possesses the above traits. You can't be a good friend to the Self-Validator for they won't be around long enough and have already show you they are not with you for friendship, so don't waste your time. You can't be a good to the Friend Hopper for, they too, won't be around long, but will come back around when the feeling hits them. I strongly advise on not falling for the game. And the manipulator is just on their own.

So I'll just be a good acquaintance. As the saying good, since I can't be a good example I'll just be a horrible warning.

The following e-mail was sent to someone who was hurt over another's actions. I received a text and thought it best to respond via e-mail for my response is long and a bit detailed.

There are people that won't be honest when asked a question. For instance, when you asked me if I would pick up a item for you. I was honest in stating that that city is a bit far for me. You asking your friend for something and her ignoring you and why she did that is something you would have to ask her in hopes she is honest with you, or you can let it go and chalk it up to experience and put it in your knowledge base of her.

Friends are not the same as they were 20 or 30 years ago. The "friend" I told you about that I realized wasn't a friend at all...AT ALL, was the same way. I would text a question and got ignored or when I made a statement about me, I got ignored, but when it came to the other person, they were on top of texts and conversation.

I've learned, the hard way, to ignore people and only take things as they come. I no longer consider anyone a long term friend. I consider them a "at that moment friend". My best friend is the person I'm with and have been with for 12 years.

Take your dealings with your friend as a learning experience and deal with it accordingly.

I am not going to bad mouth your friend because she is a friend of yours and secondly, it would be wrong of me to do. I take my experience with others as that, my experience.

When we are young, we think we know everything and we don't think about the consequences our actions have on others and ourselves in the long run. I am now 45 years of age and think often of mistakes I made in my younger days with regards to people and I try to be a better person to those I meet today.

Don't let your feelings be hurt too bad with the outcomes of others. Unfortunately, that's how some people are. I say, as long as you continue being a good person and keep your head up, you're going to be alright.

After sending and a about an hour later I received a response that stated "Got your email. Very well said." Although I don't pat myself on the back as often as I should, I did this time. I re-read it and thought I couldn't have said it better if it wasn't me saying it in the first place.

Getting Older

2011-06-26T13:10:00.000-07:00

The following post was written and published on 1 June 2008 but I have updated it just a bit by adding Facebook into the mix. I was working in San Francisco at that time and had to take BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) to work everyday. Because of this, thinking became my companion.

I ride on a commuter train that has me engaged in three things at the same time: reading, watching and thinking.

My commute is about 20 - 25 minutes which gives me plenty of time to do all three, but I find myself doing the latter two the most. What am I watching and what am I thinking? Mostly the older people. Why am I watching? I watch their actions. How they just sit there looking out the window and I wonder what are they thinking about. Then I start thinking about getting old and will I be like the person I am watching and observing? A good 99.9% of time, I hope I do not become the person I am observing for they seem lonely and without hope. They seem to be holding on to hope, all the while hope is trying to release itself from their grappling hold.

I have always wanted to make my living doing something I thoroughly enjoy doing which is either music or writing. I have released two CDs and two poetry books. Both were done with the determination of me and both released by way of myself. I could have tried to find a more traditional way of having both release (music by way of a record label and poetry by way of an agent then a publishing company), but in this day and age of the internet and self-publishing sites, I choose the non-traditional way, which is slowly becoming the alternative traditional way.

My dream was to "make it" in the field of music. I wanted to tour and such. But now I am older and the dream has whittled down to just being able to make a living writing music. Because of my love of poetry (Dickinson, Poe, Hughes, Frost, etc.) I wanted to make it as a successful poet. I did not want to become known for my poetry after I had left this earth to where I cannot enjoy the rewards of my hard work. I am still working towards my goal. The same concept goes for my music.

I do not want to be 60 something years old retiring from a 9 - 5 job. I dread that everyday I am on the commuter train. That's another thing I wonder about when I am observing the older people. I wonder did they accomplish what they wanted in life? Are there goals they are still trying to reach? Are there goals they did not reach and thus regret it? Well, its not reaching the goal they would regret, its not trying. I do not want to be on the 'not trying' in the end, but more importantly, I do not want to be on the 'did not reach my goals' end.

I am currently editing my first novel and I feel what I am writing about, although written before, has not been written by the likes of me. My novel is a historical/fiction novel where the protagonist is in an unnamed concentration camp. Where the 'unlikes of me' come into play, is that I have no Jewish background, as far as ethnicity and I have no family members who were interned at such camps. My writing comes from within me. All the words, all the feelings all the descriptions came from me. My intentions did not begin that way, but they soon fell that way as a leverage on my part in possible high sales.

I will be self publishing my novel and promote my novel as well. I know what I need to do, I just need to do it.

But of everything I fear when I reach my golden-years I fear of being lonely. I fear the person I am with will go before me and I will not know what to do with myself.

When I was young, I did not mind being alone. As a matter of fact I preferred it that way. But now I am getting older and feel time is fleeting (which it is unfortunate), I don't want to be alone. I think that's why I enjoy the Internet so much. Although I do not speak to others on pogo.com just being able to go where they are people is comforting enough for me. Now Facebook is my second companion.

I think as long as the Internet is around and I still have my wits about me, I will be okay.

Until next time:
"“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” Fulton Oursler

Thoughts From the Underground: The Kitchen House by Kathleen Grissom - Part I

2011-06-21T21:04:00.000-07:00

Thoughts From the Underground: The Kitchen House by Kathleen Grissom - Part I: "A co-worker informed me of this book a while back - OK it was really three months ago (a while back sounded more interesting) and I immedia..."

The Kitchen House by Kathleen Grissom - Part I

2011-06-21T20:59:00.000-07:00

A co-worker informed me of this book a while back - OK it was really three months ago (a while back sounded more interesting) and I immediately downloaded the book to my NookColor app on my iPad but ignored it. It was one of those I'll read it when I get to it things. I had a semi list of books I wanted to read roaming around in my gulliver already. Not a set list, but one of those lists that keeps growing and instead of doing the oldest things first, you do the newest item on your list first and then the next thing you know - well you know.

I was reminded again from my co-worker, rather asked by my co-worker if I had begun The Kitchen House. My answer was of course, no. I was asked again a week later, but in between all of this I find my eyes constantly looking at the cover on my Nook while I select the book I was actually reading.

I had read three books before - rather 2.5 books before beginning TKH. One being The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins and NO, I am not a fan at all. I put that book down three times and finally gave up. It did not hold my interest all. When Katniss is at training (which I where I left her) just had me falling asleep. I think too much time was spent there - but I digress. However, I am eagerly waiting for the movie, believe it or not. The next book I began reading was The Box: Uncanny Stories by Richard Matheson. This book is a collection of short stories. Right up my alley in case I get bored, I can still struggle through because I know it will end in three or so pages instead of 200 pages. The first story Button Button was made into a movie which I found quite odd because there weren't that many pages to the story - yet, I really enjoyed the story. Upon finishing that, I went back to The Hunger Games - still no luck on getting through it. I started reading Suicide Notes by Michael Thomas Ford. I absolutely loved this book. After I finished it, I went back to THG and still without luck and trust me I tried my hardest - more like damnedest to like the book. OK. Got asked again about TKH by my co-worker and this time I actually opened the book up and OMG! am I glad I did.

Not since The Help have I read a book that enthralled me to the point that I did not want to put it down. My 15 minutes breaks and hour lunches were spent reading this book. My waking moment, when not reading, was spent thinking about the characters and their situations and wondering what's coming next. I was so immersed into this book that I began talking to my co-worker about the characters like they were real people. I would walk past her and say, Lavinia's marrying Marshall. I would do this a few times. Sometimes I would just speak over my cubicle about someone in the book and we would hold a conversation like the people we were are speaking of were alive in 2011, when in actuality, they are people from 1791 who lived and worked on plantation in Virginia.

The Kitchen House is set during slavery where the cast of character from Lavinia (a seven year old indentured servant) to Mama Mae (a slave on the plantation) begin to intertwine with each other and help each other through the struggles of every day living to the tragedies that is a slave's life.

Tonight, I had the honor of speaking with the author, Kathleen Grissom. The interview was approximately an hour and then we had a nice off the record conversation. Not only did I speak with a fascinating writer, but in the process, I do believe I have gained a friend.

Part II of this blog will include my synopsis of the book. Part III will the transcript of my interview with the author. I must forwarn that the interview may contain spoilers from the book. I say 'may' because I going to figure out way to write the transcript and leave some names out - actually, its more of way for me to wet your whistle and wanting more - which will get you to purchase the book. But I will be causing that affect on you in part II of my blog, if I haven't done so already, which will take place tomorrow.

In the meantime, I must go watch and blog Young and Restless. You can find my blog of yesterday's episode by clicking on the following link:

Suds In The Bucket

Until Next Time:

“He that loves a book will never want a faithful friend, a wholesome counselor, a cheerful companion, an effectual comforter. By study, by reading, by thinking, one may innocently divert and pleasantly entertain himself, as in all weathers, as in all fortunes.” Barrow

ENDING THIS BLOG

2011-06-13T20:52:00.000-07:00

I'm not getting many readers here so I'm going to end this blog for a bit. My other blog http://withoutsound.blogspot.com is locking and poppin, so I'll devote my time over there. I may come here once in a while when I have something in my gulliver I want to share with you all, but until then, enjoy my other blog. I know there's nothing but Mob Wives there right now, but I'll be adding more shows as I find them.

For those of you that did stop by to read, I thank you from the bottom of my heart

For those that didn't stop by and are doing right now...well - there's nothing to see anymore. Go read the old stuff and then hop over to my other blog.

Until next time,

//Signed//

Nikki

The Clash of Alice In Chains

2011-06-09T20:42:00.000-07:00

The first song I heard by Alice In Chain's was "Man in the Box" I thought they were the basest band around because of the guitar work that was not your normal screaming, high pitch shrill that cause your ear to bleed. Instead the guitar playing of Jerry Cantrell is very power with a rhythm and blues wrapped in a lot of rock and roll which I find funny because according to Jerry, "We're a lot of different things...I don't quite know what the mixture is, but there's definitely metal blues, rock and roll, maybe a touch of punk."

You can hear what he's speaking about in the song listed above. Because of that song I wanted to get the album the song was off of which was "Facelift" until the guy at the record store suggested "Dirt" stating that was their best work and I have to say I agree. I think this album combines all the sound Jerry spoke when describing Alice's style. From the heaviness of Them Bones to the slow beginnings of Rooster. If you get any Alice album please get this one. You will not be disappointed.

And while you're at it pick up Combat Rock and London Calling, both by The Clash. As with Alice's Dirt, these two Clash albums gives a mixture of music from punk to rock to blues with a hint of reggae or ska. Not sure which. But it doesn't matter. The music and lyrics are all that matter on all albums listed from both Alice in Chains and The Clash.

Before We're Adopted, We're Abandoned

2011-06-05T22:10:00.000-07:00

Basic human contact - the meeting of eyes, the exchanging of words - is to the psyche what oxygen is to the brain. If you're feeling abandoned by the world, interact with anyone you can....MARTHA BECK

I’ve always known I was adopted since I was very young. My mother thought it best I know as soon possible then me finding out in another fashion. Telling a child once they are adopted and perhaps a few more times while enforcing the fact that they are the lucky ones because they were chosen, is OK. But continually telling that child, teenager and adult they are adopted and if the parent hadn’t adopted them, the child could have died in the orphanage is NOT the way to go. There are many reasons for this, but being told that no one wanted you, and the person that has you now, basically doesn’t want you, is what the child, teenager and adult is hearing and keeps with them throughout life.

ABANDONMENT ISSUES:

I didn’t realize I had abandonment issues until I was in my 30’s and that’s when I realized I couldn’t stand anyone leaving me. I am not speaking of someone I’ve known for years or someone I feel I am tight with. This could be someone I just met and we’ve talked a few time and suddenly no communication. I always had this thing that I would find a way to destroy a friendship or potential friendship first, but I didn’t know why I did this. It wasn’t until I was speaking to a friend of mine that I realized that I had these issues. It was also speaking with my friend that I realized the adopted parent(s) dislike their adopted child because that child is NOT really theirs. Knowing each of these issues didn’t cure the illness within, but made it more easier to deal with. But how?

I’M NOT YOURS - BIOLOGICALLY

Although I am not of the flesh and blood, I am of my flesh and blood and feelings. Being told constantly that I would have died in the orphanage if I had not been adopted made me feel guilty for being adopted but at the same time wishing I wasn’t adopted and rolling the dice on would I live or die because of it. I probably would have lived for I believe someone else would have adopted me. Or perhaps not. That I cannot speculate on. I am no longer dealing with or caring about the feelings of another. I am only concerning myself with me. It might sound selfish, but after 30 something years of hearing the same thing, you learn to abandon-YES abandon the thoughts of another and focus on yourself and realizing you are no less of person because you were adopted and they are the ones with that particular issue...NOT YOU!

I’LL LEAVE YOU BEFORE YOU LEAVE ME

I’ve always enjoying meeting new people and forming friendships but once things good to comfortable, I would abandon that friendship. Yes, I was the doing the abandoning, and I didn’t feel I had to explain myself to nobody. However, if someone pulled themselves away from me I wondered why and would try to seek out some type of explanation. Not that any explanation would be OK for me. I would find ways to fix the friendship only so I could leave. Again, I’m doing the I’ll leave you before you leave me even if you’ve left me already.

ABANDONMENT ISSUES

Up until a couple of weeks ago, I had these issues. Didn’t like anyone leaving me. But I’ve realized that people are going to leave either physically or by way of destroying the trust you had for them. I’ve always known people are going to come and go in your life, but it wasn’t until a couple of weeks ago I finally let go of the abandonment issues I had. No, not fully let them go, because they will always be there, but enough to not care of anyone is around me except those that I REALLY want around me. I also no longer destroy relationships - they seem to destroy themselves on their own and once they are destroyed I have no want to bring them back from the dead. I don’t try to clean up the broken pieces, find out what happened and then try to fix it. My time will no longer be spent trying to fix those that are broken.

I no longer have the hopes of forming friendship with people upon meeting them. I no longer care how things go and don’t get sad when they go south.

Lately, I have met to many people “sometime” people. Sometime they talk to you, sometime they don’t. I only go which ever way their wind is blowing and once I leave their presence or they mine, they are a memory to me not worth bringing to the forefront. I’ve learned how to develop amnesia when it comes to people that don’t mean a hill a beans to me.

WHATEVER DOESN’T KILL YOU...

We all go through difficulties in our lives - some good and some bad - but how we come out in the end is what makes our character. People have a choice on their behavior - or rather - their attitude in the aftermath of tragedy. Some want to blame their childhood on their evil doings. Some take their terrible childhood, learn from it and become good productive human beings. I’m more of the latter than the first. What I mean is, I have taken my childhood and realized that what another has done does not make me a bad person. But I have gotten to the “I don’t care what you do” stage in my life.

I am no longer chasing people down to find out what’s going on with them. I am no longer seeking current friendship as being possible long term friendships. I am no longer holding my breath for someone to call or text me when they give the impression they really want to form a friendship with me. I am no longer falling for the lies and schemes presented before me. I will make one think they have me in the palm of their hand, but they really don’t.

I will always enjoying meeting new people and connecting with people and learning from others, but the road to friendship is no longer paved with want, but rather with time, because

BEFORE WE’RE ADOPTED WE’RE ABANDONED!

Validation

2011-06-01T20:49:00.000-07:00

On the final episode of Oprah (25 May 2011) she ended her show by speaking about validation and how we all need and want it. I kinda hold validation and acceptance in the same light. We all want and seek it one way or another. The following is my opinion on validation and the want and need of it.

Some seek it by the people they surround themselves with. The non-popular person my try to get in with the "it" crowd to gain some self worth and outside acceptance from those around them. Some may do it by making what ever issue they have going on bigger than what it is to get sympathy from others. This validates them as being important. Some do it through lies they tell about themselves to make themselves seem tougher or better than what they are. If the person they are telling lies to sticks around, the liar is obtaining false validation. Since the friendship was formed on lies, the validation is not only false, but to be short lived, for the victim, if they value their self worth, will see past the lies and discover the false friendship.

Some seek validation from groups of people while some may seek it through one person. Some seek it so bad they are willing to accept anyone that gives it to them - even if that person is not good for them. The whole love is blind thing applies here.

But what about the validation you can give yourself by being yourself. By not putting on airs for someone. By not feeling you have to do others wrong to make yourself look like the good person. By not demeaning another because your self worth is below the radar.

I used to seek acceptance/validation by many growing up and I think it has to do with being an only child. I am not saying only children do this. I even did it in my teen age years and in my adult years. But we get to a time in our lives that self validation is only to be seeked by one person and that person is someone who is going to tell you the truth. Who is going to guide you in the right direction and not lie or steal from you (see Shakespeare's Othello about stealing one's name) to either better themselves or make themselves feel better.

But people are not the only way we seek validation. We also seek it through the music we create, the poetry we write our novels/short stories that we produce and definitely through our blogs.

My validation comes in the form of the number of visitors that visit my blog - either this one or my other blog Words Without Sound. I used to seek validation via my music and my poetry, but I find blogging to be my greatest joy because I am either bringing joy to others, enlightening others, making other think about things or just bringing a smile to others.

I wanted people to follow me, but that's not needed. Those that are following me are greatly appreciated for doing so. Those that aren't are still greatly appreciated because it's not the number of face and names I see on the right side of my blog, but as mentioned, the number of visitors I get a day. I write for myself first and then for the readers be my regular readers who's names and faces I do not know or my new readers that I acquire everyday.

My main validation is my completion of the blog, such as this one. When I go back and read it and feel good about it, then I have validated myself first. When I publish it, the public will validate it by reading, which in turn validates me and wants me to write more and more.

Until next time:
"What the superior man seeks is in himself; what the small man seeks is in others" Confucius

-Thoughts From The Underground-

Clockwork Orange Blu Ray Giveaway

2011-05-30T22:53:00.000-07:00

OK. So I was looking through CNET on Flipboard and they are giving away a signed - SIGNED -copy of Clockwork Orange. Signed by Malcolm McDowell aka Alex DeLarge. All I had to do was read the article and then leave a comment about the movie. I did the best I could and tried to be as profound as I could be. I checked the number of comments tonight and so far there's 946 currently. I am not sure how they are going to pick the winner but to get a signed copy of the movie from Malcolm McDowell would be something else.

For those that haven't seen the movie I highly recommend looking at it at least one. It is a bit rough but an excellent movie. I tried reading the book but couldn't get through it. I'm going to give it another shot.

Until next time:

"It had been a wonderful evening and what I needed now, to give it the perfect ending, was a little of the Ludwig Van." Alex DeLarge

Inn at the Tides- Patron for the road and Hedren for the Birds

2011-05-29T22:49:00.001-07:00

In the early 2000's my partner and I would drive up to Bodega Bay and have lunch at Lucas Wharf

Afterwards, we would drive around Bodega and then head to Occidental to have drinks at the Negris Resturant's bar and then head home. It was always a nice ride out there and back.

About three years ago we decided to stay the weekend out there. Like about three days and we stayed at The Inn at the Tides. I absolutely love that hotel.

This past weekend (27 and 28 May 2011) we stayed one night up there at my favorite hotel.

These are pictures from our room window.

The weather up there was nice but a light jacket was definitely needed.

We got up there about 1:30pm and was able to check in right away. Check is usually by 4pm and check out is 11am. We settled into the room, watched some TV, read and took a nap and then headed to Occidental for dinner at the Negris Restaurant. Our waitress named Lenette was hilarious. I ordered the red snapper lightly breaded with mashed potatoes and my partner ordered the chicken Parmesan and the food was more than we could eat, because before the main course we had minestrone soup in a small pot delivered to our table along with a salad and bread. Along with our meal we ordered garlic bread. That's definitely an Italian restaurant because only Italians know how to feed people. With our food came home made raviolis and you haven't had raviolis until you have had these. The recipe belongs to the owner's mother. The next time I will just have ravioli and call it Bob Hope.

After dinner we headed back to the hotel with our left overs to eat later.

During this weekend Tippi Hedren was going to be at the Tides Wharf signing autographs so my partner was looking forward to that. We found this out back accident when I had to go to the hotel's web site to get the number to make reservations.

Upon arriving back from dinner we hung in the room a bit and then about 7:30pm we headed to the bar for drinks and just hang out a bit. We had plan on staying there about an hour or so but stayed until 11:30pm talking with the bartender and his girlfriend, who is the waitress there. the bar/restaurant closes at 11pm. So I guess you could say we had a great time.

I order a shot (actually two shots) of Patron and an Italian beer recommended to me by the bartender.

My partner had ordered scotch but I can't remember the name of it.

The bartender's name was Theo (no relation to the Huxables- bahahaha) and his girlfriend's name was Megan. I'll tell you a story about Megan in a bit.

My partner and I played backgammon and talked and laughed with Theo who we learned is a musician getting back into his music and plays the trumpet but is getting back into playing the picket trumpet.

And has two kids (boy and girl) who resides with their mother right now but he tries to spend as much time with them as he can.

Theo's girlfriend Megan was a victim of a shark bite about five years ago to which it became big news and she was called by the Today show and The Discovery channel. Each year the Discovery channel contacts her to do an update but she's so over it she doesn't talk about it publicly. She was even contacted by Oprah but she didn't want to do it. The reason being is she was tired of talking about it and she was learning that people were not interested in her but in making money off of her.

I commend her for having respect for herself to not sell herself out for a few bucks. She showed us the scar on her leg (which were teeth marks) and showed where the shark grabbed her. She was very lucky to not have lost a limb.

At about 11:30pm we headed back to our room and had our left overs.

The next morning we got up about 8:30am and prepared to check out, have our complimentary breakfast at the Tides Wharf and then meet Tippi who was signing autographs there from 10a-5p. But she didn't show until about 10:30a. She was friendly and pleasant. She charged $25 for her autograph on items that were pre purchased such as books, DVD's (my partner wanted Tippi to sign her Birds DVD) and other things. But if you purchased a photo or the small movie poster then she signed those. You still paid $25 for her signature but at least walked away with something. You get my point.

This is the back of a fan and Tippi was blown away and said this was a first. She asked Tom (a guy with her - not her husband but probably an assistant) to take a picture of it but he was having problems operating Tippi's iPhone. I will just leave it at that. I won't even mention the comment the publicist made, but it was funny as hell, especially the way she said it.

After we got our autograph we headed home. Although I thoroughly enjoyed myself, I was glad to be home. We plan on going back either in October of this year or in January of 2012.

I highly recommend staying at The Inn at the Tides, but I'm sure any place around there would be good. Definitely have dinner in Occidental. Just get on Bohemian Hwy (that's the street name) and drive for about ten years and you'll run right into the town of Occidental. If you get there (in Bodega Bay) about mid morning or early afternoon have lunch at Lucas Wharf.

As mentioned, I love Bodega Bay and looking forward to going back real soon.

Lights Out - No Wait, They're Still On

2011-05-29T17:13:00.001-07:00

All my life sleeping was never an issue for me. I could fall asleep at the drop of a dime. But in 2008, I developed insomnia.

I heard about people not being able to sleep and such. Some would go days without sleep and I just couldn't imagine having to function like that.

In 2008 I would become one of those people. I wouldn't go days without sleeping, but hours without sleeping and then spend the next day wondering what I was going to do.

The reason for the onset of my insomnia was caused by issues at my job in 2008 in which a good number of us were very possibly going to lose our jobs. I went through four months of wondering (July - November). I kept being assured by others at work that everything was going to be fine, but my gut told me different. I was torn between listening to those that had been at the company for years or my Scorpio gut feeling. I didn't know which. ( What was going on at the company is not the focus of this article so I am keeping that out).

During this time I thought my sleepless nights were just a product of what I was going through and it will end. Well it didn't - until this year - 2011.

November 26, 2011 was my last day at my job. It was a relief and I know I would spend December chilling and taking a trip to Arizona during Christmas week and a few days after the new year. Why not? I didn't have a job to go back to or anything. All though I was more at ease with things going on, I still struggled with insomnia but accepted it as part of my life.

2009 had me attending IT school and collecting unemployment (that's another talk show). 2010 saw me with a new job (not in the IT field, but I'm OK with that). 2011 still sees me at the same job and glad to say, me possibly being cured of insomnia. I decided to ween myself off the sleeping pills and that no easy task. I started with eliminating Ambien from my life but keeping other aids around. Well having back ups only made me think I needed them and thus I took them. It wasn't until a few weeks ago I realized that I definitely have to stop relying on medications to help me sleep or my insomnia would turn into an addiction of sleeping pills whether it be prescription or over the counter.

The first night I went to bed without a sleep aid had me a bit worried I wouldn't sleep through the night. Then I realized that that thinking DEFINITELY wouldn't have me sleep through the night. Granted, I woke up here and there, but was able to go right back to sleep. And by morning's light I felt more rested than with the aid of sleeping pills. I liked this feeling and thus gave it a shot again then next night and the night after that.

Its been about two weeks now of me going to sleep on my own, but I do keep sleep aids in the house as a just in case, but I try not to think of them and when I do I just remind myself that I don't need them. Mind over matter. If I don't mind, it don't matter.

My sleeping aids consisted of the following:

I loved Ambien. That's some good stuff to have handy. Midnight was the next best thing because you take it anytime of the night. Tylenol PM and generic forms from Walgreens are good but seem to stay with you a bit the next day. Unisom is the worst!!!!

I am not promoting sleeping pills because the best sleep is the one you can give yourself. And if you do get on sleeping pills I would suggest Midnight.

Part of me going to sleep naturally again came from me stumbling upon an episode of Dr. Oz's show while changing the channel and this episode was about sleep and he gave some great tips. Here is the link to the article:

http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/dr-ozs-get-back-sleep-plan

I hope I never suffer from insomnia like I did and if I should, I will find othe avenues to conquer it without relying on sleeping pills.

Until next time:
"Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up." ~Author Unknown

Kitten Sleeping with Mama Cat

2011-05-29T14:23:00.001-07:00

GetGlue - Sharing Music You Listen To - iPad / iPhone Application

2011-05-29T14:18:00.001-07:00

GetGlue- iPad / iPhone Application

2011-05-29T14:17:00.001-07:00

Tweetpop - iPad Application for For That Use Twitter

2011-05-29T14:12:00.000-07:00

Hoarders and Zyklon B

2011-05-22T15:45:00.000-07:00

I was watching Hoarders on NatGeo I believe and there was this lady who owned a pig farm. It didn't start out that way, but it grew. The lady ended up having some type of accident which left her in a wheelchair and for company, her sister got her a baby pig. I think it was a pot belly baby pig and from there her pig collection began. She ended up having like 700 pot belly pigs on her farm. She started out with a few and they began multiplying like rabbits so much so they began taking over her house. Literally. The house inside looked just like the outside did with mud and hay everywhere. You really couldn't tell the difference. When the county officials came out they found one that was malnourished and one dead. I'm sure they found more than that in those conditions, but that's what they showed on TV.

Anyhow. She had grown attached to the pigs - all of them and she didn't want to lose them. I do apologize for not remembering the entire story, but the main thing that happened was the county officials came and because the pigs had some type of incurable disease that threatened not only the animals but humanity they stated they had to euthanize them. This made the lady very sad and I don't blame her. She knew this was going to be the outcome, but still.

Now, here's where I had the problem. Yes, the hoarding of pigs didn't bother me as much as what took place next.

When they were talking about having to euthanize the pigs I thought they were going to take the pugs away and euthanize them at a vets office but that's not what happened. Then ended up gassing the pigs right there and then. Then they showed the dead pigs on a conveyor belt being put on a truck. This really disturbed me because it took me to a time of the Holocaust and the use of gas trucks to kill people faster aside from other methods. I am not sure if they used Zyklon B or not. When I think of mass gassings I automatically think of Zyklon B - which I have learned was the drug of choice for the US and the Nazi got the idea from the US. I will need to research this and find out if it's true or not. I was under the impression that the US got the idea of the gas chamber from the Nazis. Research will be conducted and I will report.

Yes, the Holocaust is that close to me that there's a lot of little things that other people may not pay attention to that take me back to that time and that is why I believe I was part of it and I did not survive - at least not physically. I believed I was carried over from that part in life and being used today to recapture that horrific time in our lives via my book. I don't know. But this leads me to the question of are we reincarnated from past lives? I really think we are and I will explain in my next post.

Until next time:

"The human spirit is not dead. It lives on in secret.... It has come to believe that compassion, in which all ethics must take root, can only attain its full breadth and depth if it embraces all living creatures and does not limit itself to mankind." Albert Schweitzer

The Mind Leading the Blind

2011-05-18T19:17:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine wrote a blog about the mind, or as some people like to refer to it as the brain (I prefer the mind for the brain is just a shell for the mind). And during the post she speaks of how people follow what society says. She also asked that I give a comment or two and thus I did. The following is my response.

Have you read Crito by Plato? When Socrates was in prison and he decided he'd rather take his own life than to let someone else do it (he was on death row for what I believe his crime to be, philosophy). Crito, a close friend of Socrates, came to visit him to try to talk him out of it. Crito gave the argument that Socrates would be talked about and frowned upon by society. Socrates told Crito that Crito wasn't worried about him (Socrates) but about himself (Crito). Socrates said that Crito was worried about what society would think about him if his friend took his life.

I grew up thinking that what others thought of how I dressed, what I said and such was important, but those words never came out of the mouths of those to guard me and guide my up bringing. What was said was the embarrassment felt by my guardians when I made a certain comment, or cracked a certain joke, or wore a certain pair of pants, shoes, shirt, what-have-you. The guardian was more concerned about what others will think of the guardian rather than what I think of myself. It took me a long time to get rid of that thought. But to an extent we do cave into what society says and thinks. We have to in order to survive in society. Our minds allows us the freedom to be ourselves to ourselves. Our minds allows us, like video games, to become what we feel at that time. I enjoy first person shooter games because it allows me to do in a fantasy world that I would never do in real life because one its wrong and two, I'm too good looking to go to prison. Plus using bathrooms that do not have doors on the stalls will not work for me.

I am currently dealing with someone who is allowing, to an extent, another to control what they do and think and its a sad thing to see. And some may say the person being controlled is quite pitiful but I feel the person doing the controlling is the more pitiful one because their life is so empty they must embark on another to bring false enjoyment to a fabricated life they (the controller) are leading. The transformation from being an individual to being someone who is almost showing they cannot think for themselves is quite and interesting thing to view. Its like watching a rat in a maze, if you will. You watch the rat try to find its way through while objects or incentives are placed before it and depending on what it is will determine how the rat will react or what it will do.

I've learned over the years that the more I am myself the more I am liked - no only by others, but mostly by me. I feel I am a very unique person when placed within the masses, but when placed within a small group of people, I am not so unique because once we are in an intimate setting, people are willing to let go of what society thinks is OK and thus reveal their true selves. Rather, feel comfortable enough to reveal a side of them that society doesn't see.

How a person chooses to go through life, either as a follower, a leader or just being themselves, is up to them. But in the end, when the sun goes down and everyone has left the building and we are left to ourselves, are we able to rest comfortably knowing we have followed blinding, we have lead with cruel intentions or we were ourselves completely and wholeheartedly and make no apologizes for it.

I have followed but never blindly for I may be following the Pied Piper (if you don't know the story of the Pied Piper, look it up. Its not a good one) and I have lead but never with cruel intentions for the intentions will be cruel to me in the end. But above all I have always been me with my own crazy thoughts inside my Socrates mind gently resting in the comfort of my rock n roll brain.

Until next time,
"Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people" Eleanor Roosevelt

The Creative Flow: Somewhere Down that Crazy River

2011-05-17T22:26:00.000-07:00

As mentioned in my last post, I may have given up on music right now, but the creative juices never stopped flowing.

At the same time I was trying to learn the guitar and writing songs, I began dabbling in poetry. Again, my influences were Pink Floyd and Tears for Fears (The Hurting was their best work). I have written approximately five volumes of work, two of them published. The two published are the following:

Carlyle was my stage/pen name.

So I thought perhaps I could get myself out there as a poet and then work music into the mix. That's didn't work. Poetry is a thing of the past and read by few. We are an elite club, let me tell ya. But as with music, writing has always been in my blood.

I'm going to veer off the road a bit, but just trust me I'll get back on the road safe and sound.

I remember watching a news program and they were talking about the ovens at Auschwitz. I was in the single digit age then - probably eight or nine. Can't say for sure though. And I remember how that just stuck in my mind and ever since then I would watch any and everything on the Holocaust and then on the Nazis. But the weird thing was that I could never watch or read anything of that nature from dusk until night. I always had to read it during the day or I would have nightmares. And another weird thing is whenever I read about the Jews in the camps it was like I could feel everything that was going on. I know that sounds strange and some say its because suffering no matter in what form, if you have heart and compassion for others, you are going to feel their pain. But no. Its nothing like that. I mean I could really describe everything that's going on and how that person is feeling. But let's move on.

Ladies and Gentleman the car is about to get back on the road. HOLLA!

Because I had studied the Holocaust so much and basically consumed myself in it for a number of years, I thought I would write a book about it. I was going to write a history book of sorts on the subject, but then I realized that would take a lot of research, a lot of talking to folks and a lot of time...A LOT OF TIME. So I decided to do the next best thing and that's write a historical fiction and viola! that's what I did. I started the novel around 2003 and wanted to have it done by 2004. Yeah, I was giving myself a year to write the book - that's writing and editing it. I picked up a few books along the way to help me with my writing and of all the books and articles I read, the only one that really helped me was the following:

He speaks about the process of writing while giving stories on how each of his books came to be. For instance, The Shinning was about his drinking induced days. Most of his books were written during bad times in his life. I need to revisit that book.

Anyhoo. As mentioned that book really helped me and inspired me to write and the birth of Suitcases in Another Room was born. I am not in the editing stages.

Why a book on the Holocaust? Well I mentioned why and the how. But more importantly it became therapeutic for me. I was able to draw from within and the feelings and knowledge I knew I had of the experience of being in a camp and put it on paper. But here's the kicker. When it comes to conjuring up feelings of being in a camp, the furthest I get is the showers. When I see pictures of those "showers" or movies that show the people going into the "showers" I can't tell you what goes through me. I can't explain the fear - nature honest to God fear that comes up in me. And because of that I had to immerse myself into reading books about the Holocaust but mostly from person experiences. And of all the books I've read, and trust me I've read plenty of them, this is the best one and my all time favorite:

Unlike many other books by survivors who published immediately after the war, The Theory and Practice of Hell is more than a personal account. It is a horrific examination of life and death inside a Nazi concentration camp, a brutal world of a state within state, and a society without law. But Kogon maintains a dispassionate and critical perspective. He tries to understand how the camp works, to uncover its structure and social organization. He knew that the book would shock some readers and provide others with gruesome fascination. But he firmly believed that he had to show the camp in honest, unflinching detail. (source www.bn.com)

This book really got my creative and accurate juices flowing and allowed me to really delve into it all and after putting the book (unfinished portion) away for almost a year, I finished it within about three months. Just the writing part. Now comes the editing.

The writing was easier than editing, which I didn't realize at the time. Doing the research was a lot of work and writing was hard at times because I wanted to make sure I the story flowing smoothly and correctly.

I decided to write the book in the first person because I wanted the audience to feel everything I'm, rather, the protagonist (Mariam) feeling.

I began editing the book (again) last year. I put the book away for about a year, start editing it and then put it away again for about another few months. Again, life happened while I was making plans.

Once I got settled into my new job I wanted to record my third CD and finish editing my book. The music feel by the waist side, but the book always stated on the front burner (simmering).

Now I've gotten back into blogging. That's another talk, rather, blog. To be continued...

Until Next Time:
"Catch the blue train places never been before, look for me somewhere down that crazy river." Somewhere Down that Crazy River by Robbie Robertson

Life After High School: Save the Music For the Pros

2011-05-16T23:23:00.000-07:00

A question was posed in my high school page on Facebook (Vacaville High 1983) asking "did you become what you wanted to be in high school"? This question has been with me since reading it about a week or so ago and I was going to answer via the page itself but realized the answer would be longer than the page would probably would like.

I have to say that I didn't become exactly what I wanted which was a successful musician. I say not exactly because I accomplished part of the goal and that's recording two CDs, which is the first part to becoming successful for people to hear you you have to have something for them to listen to, right?

Why did I want to be a successful musician? Well it came after hearing Pink Floyd's The Wall. It was actually the song "Mother" that really turned me to wanting to writing music/lyrics. I just didn't know how to go about doing so because I didn't play an instrument at that time. I decided I would have to learn to play the guitar, although the drums was and always will be my instrument of choice.

In 1983 I learned to play the guitar and in the process tried my hand at songwriting, which came to me quite easy. I went a number of years seeking artist that would influence me either vocally or songwriting style. From Pink Floyd to Tears for Fears to The Judds and Reba McIntire. Although I grew listening to soul music and rhythm and blues it was not something I could not write so I left it those that could.

In 2001 I recorded my first CD (recorded in another's studio) tilted "Searching for the Garden of Eden" which was of folk/country genre because the area I was hoping to get into was country music and country music was very easy for me to write and sing. I had the CD put in a local store in Vacaville called Music for a Song (I'm not sure if it's still there for I do not live in the area anymore). I sold one copy and that was because a friend of mine went in and bought a copy to show support for me. The CD was on consignment (don't remember the length of time but it wasn't long that's for sure) and the consignment ended with only a single copy being sold. I realized that perhaps country isn't the road for me to take. But my dreams to make it in the music business was not shattered, only needing a revamp.

I spent the yeas between 2001 and 2007 trying to figure which road to take. Should I stick to country but market myself better or should I find another genre of music? I decided to ask people why they wouldn't buy my CD and they said the genre of music. OK. Now I knew I had to change gears. Along came my discovery of Enigma.

"Le Roi Est Mort, Vive Le Roi" by Enigma was the changing CD for me and I wanted to write that type of music so I began collecting their CDs and really listening to their music. I mean really listening to their music. After them came Air and Keiko Matsui among a number of other people.

In 2007 I recorded my second CD (in my own home studio) titled "4240 Hollis St" which was all music with influences of Pink Floyd and Enigma being heard and the CD sold many copies and got listeners on iTunes, Napster, Rhapsody and other online music stores. More songs from this CD have been purchased via iTunes than my first CD and because of this I knew this was the road for me to take. I knew I found my niche and all I had to do was get my second CD out there more (via Facebook and Twitter) and start work on my third CD at the same time. But as John Lennon said, "Life happens while you're making plans" and boy does it.

Between 2007 and now 2011 I switched jobs, lost a job, went to IT school and found a job (though not in the IT field which is OK). In the midst of everything I still had not lost my goal. But instead of wanting to make it big (Grammy big) I just wanted to get paid to compose and felt I was on the right track with my choice of music genre. I had every intentions to begin recording my third CD last year but had no umph. This year I finally got my home studio set up again (had to break it down in 2009 when I moved) and then I lost total interest in writing and recording. I don't know why. I just did. But being creative is something that's in me. I may go back to it but it won't be this year.

So, no I didn't achieve my goal (completely) after high school and the music may be on hold for right now, but my creative energy continues to flow and I'll tell where next time around.

Until next time:
"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world." Oscar Wilde

Year book picture, circa 1983